April 4, 2018 at 5:30 p.m.
Dave Miller: Librarian takes new job
Instead of shifting careers altogether, a few weeks ago I started looking for an additional job, something that I could do while still maintaining my duties as a librarian. Ideally, it would be something that I am also passionate about, and something that could help people in need.
I think that I have found the right fit for me.
I have started selling patent medicine from the back of a wagon. I travel from town to town, explaining to everyone I see the exciting news about Dr. Hope's Miracle Elixir.
I discovered this life-changing curative while researching the traditional healing rituals of the Indians of the Great Plains. Before the encroachment of modern society and all its ills, some elders in these tribes would live to be 150 years old! And nary a complaint was ever offered regarding aches and pains, even well into old age. These tribes, such as the Sioux and the Kiowa, never saw a disease sweep across their people either. Perfectly healthy, strong and robust, all thanks to their knowledge of local herbs, roots, and buffalo gizzard.
Through an arduous process of refining the essential elements of these ingredients, I am now able to exclusively sell this cure-all wonder.
Dr. Hope's Miracle Elixir. can cure virtually any malady of the modern condition. If you have been living with the persistent agony of neuralgia, the pain of the vapors, unsightly necrosis, awkward canine madness, recurrent female problems, biliousness, dyspepsia, or any manner of diseases dealing with the skin and complexion, you can rejoice! Dr. Hope's Miracle Elixir.can cure it all and more.
My all-new, thoroughly researched, and completely legitimate compound can ease the pain of childbirth, cure the lame, and rejuvenate the old and frail. You will feel young and more vibrant with Dr. Hope's Miracle Elixir. And it isn't just for humans, you know. It's Fit For Man Or Beast! It has been known to cure mange, improve coat quality, and improve muscle tone.
I'm excited to be able to offer this patented miracle cure to people all over this great nation. But, since Hope is home, I will offer a special discount to Hope residents. Your bottle of happiness will cost you only $5.00. Why, those poor sickly folk over in Rushville will pay $15.00 for every bottle I can produce and beg for more.
I'm selling it at cost to people of Hope, because I love this town and how its residents have taken me in as one of their own. I have limited supply, and it won't be available for long. After all, this is a second job for me, and if it doesn't make any money, I'll have to go back to being just a librarian.[[In-content Ad]]
