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Suffice it to say - that over the past three years - I have struggled off-and-on with what could be described as an existential crisis.

Reading, writing, contemplative conversations with my most trusted confidants, and time spent alone in quiet reflection have all served their purpose in helping to alleviate much of my confusion, anxiety and frequent feelings of numbness.

The main culprit behind my increased chaotic thoughts was being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer over three years ago. Following several rounds of rather nasty chemo and multiple surgeries, I was proclaimed in “remission” for about 1 ½ years. Last October, I was informed that the cancer was back and had progressed to Stage 4. The ups-and-downs and twists-and-turns of my physical well-being could not help but bleed over into my mental health.

Many of the books I have read over these past few years might best be described as fitting in the genre of self-help/inspirational/spiritual. I have also been careful not to “overdose” myself on what can be rather “heavy” topics. Also included in the mix have been plenty of works of historical fiction and the occasional humorous read to go along with many different tales of historical non-fiction.

Those books fitting in that first category have often helped me to harness my thoughts in a more rational manner and given me plenty of reason to be thankful for the life I have been given.

The other day - when thinking about some of the common themes in those books - the biggest message they all share (in at least my interpretation of them) is that it is of vital importance to pay attention in life to WHAT REALLY MATTERS. In fact, I might even take it a step further by claiming that some things matter, but most things don’t. I certainly acknowledge many might disagree with that statement, but allow me to elaborate.

There is no doubt my perspective on life has changed considerably these last few years. Probably the biggest change for me has been a radical shift in paying more attention to those things that matter the most and allowing myself to more quickly dismiss those things that really won’t matter to me when the sun comes up the next morning.

Late 18th/early 19th century German writer, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, once penned -“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”

I readily admit the following items of what matter the most to me - and the things that don’t - are a personal list. “Really matters” and “matters not” lists will undoubtedly vary from person to person. However, here’s a small sampling of my lists that I hope will provide a little food-for-thought and challenge anyone reading to think about their own lists. Here they are, in no particular order (as that would be incredibly difficult to do)...

REALLY MATTERS…

1) Meaningful connections/relationships. Need I say more about their importance?

2) Forgiveness. I have too recently discovered that letting go of anger, resentment and feelings of revenge can create a sense of freedom and overwhelming peace. The song “No Hard Feelings” (Avett Brothers) is one I listen to on a daily basis for a reminder.

3) Giving/receiving love. Family (blood and otherwise) and friends mean a lot to me. I hope my actions do more than a fair job of showing them just that. There’s no better song than “Give a Little Bit” (Supertramp) to sing along to for a boost of inspiration.

4) Hope/Perseverance. It’s the life force that can keep us going - even amidst the deepest of setbacks. It could be argued that without it, not much else matters. “As Long as I Can See the Light” (Creedence Clearwater Revival) is a song that provides a simple reminder of the importance of hope and doing our best to maintain a positive outlook.

5) Kindness. Being kind should not be confused with being nice. “Niceness” can be a simple exchange of social pleasantries whereas being kind is intentional. Kindness involves a deeper sense of compassion, concern for others and can include giving others the “benefit of the doubt”. There’s no better song than “One” (U2) to remind us that we’re all in this together…in spite of our differences.

Music is obviously also something to me that really matters. It has the ability to take me back to positive memories, move me to tears, lift my spirits and put a smile on my face…Another song I have listened to on a near daily basis these past few years is “End of the Line” (Traveling Wilburys). The song’s lyrics tie together all of the above and remind us to live in the present/appreciate the small things in life as we consider our own inevitable mortality.

MATTERS NOT…

1) Materialism. Accumulating “stuff” is of no importance to me. It makes no difference to me what car I drive or the brand of clothes I wear. I know that neither of them has any impact on my true happiness.

2) Dwelling on past regrets. Yes, the past is important and has made a very significant impact on the people we happen to be today. However, it is the past and nothing can be done about it now. If it presented a lesson we needed to learn, let’s do our very best to learn it and move on.

3) Staying busy all the time. This was a hard one for me to absorb. I didn’t feel like I was useful unless “things were getting done.” Now, I know it’s important to occasionally step-back, relax and take a moment to appreciate the small things in life.

4) Pursuing pleasure over happiness. Pleasure is temporary. Happiness involves feelings of satisfaction and contentment over the “long-haul”. Pleasure is not altogether a bad thing, but the persistent pursuit of it over a life of meaning can be debilitating.

5) What (most) others think of me. Sure, the opinions of those closest to us do make a difference in our lives. Even then, I have discovered that true happiness lies within ourselves. Actor Anthony Hopkins once said, “It is none of my business what others think of me.”

6) Bickering. Disagreements/arguments are an inevitable part of life, but concerning ourselves with trying to “win” each of our spats with others is a pointless, futile activity. It is my belief that attempts at compromise or simply “agreeing to disagree” are more worthwhile of our time and energy.

7) Gossip. It only leads to negative consequences on behalf of both the spreader(s) and target(s). Anxiety, a breakdown of trust, suspicion, feelings of guilt, damaged relationships, resentment…are all by-products of the rather fruitless activity.

8) Social media/screen time. Call me a curmudgeon, but I have little use for either. Sure, I concede that social media can have a positive impact in some ways, but I still maintain that its overall impact weighs heavily on the side of negative (often unintended) outcomes. As for a screen time example, look around in a restaurant and I bet you’ll find a great deal of people with phones in their hands and faces buried in their screens paying attention to less than Earth-shattering events of the day rather than engaging in meaningful conversation or enjoying the company of their dinner partners.

While my ideas above are far from an all-inclusive list of what REALLY MATTERS and what MATTERS NOT, I hope they have provided a moment of pause for contemplation.

For me, there is not a day that goes by without me giving deep thought to those lists. At the end of each day, I still find myself sticking to the notion that some things matter, most things don’t.